I’ve heard many stories over the years of challenging relationships between co-founders. Some have ended sadly (and badly) while others have worked through their differences and gone on to build thriving and lucrative ventures together.
So what are the secrets to a flourishing co-founder partnership?
Here are 7 ways to prevent your relationship from turning from a successful ‘sure thing’ to acrimoniously sour!
Getting to know you…
If you’re married or have a long-term partner, the chances are that you spent time in the early, heady days of your romance getting to know each other before jumping feet-first into the relationship or sealing your commitment.
A co-founder partnership should be no different. However, being intoxicated by the thrill of a new venture can often cloud judgment. Unfortunately, shared passion and enthusiasm for the business are simply not enough to keep you on track because once the initial excitement of the honeymoon period is over, the cracks in the foundations will start to crumble.
It takes a good dose of due diligence before you metaphorically ‘jump into bed’ with each other to evaluate whether you and your co-founder/s are compatible and have longevity, not just your business idea! You will risk assess many other areas of your new venture on your journey and this is just one more that deserves the same attention.
So where do you start?
- Explore whether you are a good match, aligned and singing from the same hymn sheet. For example, do you share the same vision for the business? Are your sights set on building it up to exit or building up an empire to reign over forever more?
- What about your values? Are they aligned? These are your guiding steer in life and will dictate your attitude, approach and behaviours. If these are in total opposition with your co-founder’s, the chances are your opinions and thoughts about many business decisions will be too.
- And if you want to really insure against the risk of a break-up, spend some time together before you ‘tie the knot’ to understand who they really are beyond your shared passion for the business idea. Their loves, their pet hates, their world views, their causes close to their hearts, their motivators and drivers, their non-negotiables, their humour, their idiosyncrasies and their communication style.
Once you have assessed all the above, you will have a good insight into your compatibility and will be making a commitment with eyes wide open rather than being blinded by the possibility of your life’s dream coming to fruition.
Understanding your starting points…
Consider where you are both on your life journey. While you might not think this is relevant, believe me, it is crucial. If for example, you’re starting out on your new venture single, footloose and fancy-free while your co-founder is newly married with a young baby, there is a good chance family time will take priority over your joint baby, the business. This is when resentment can start to bubble because while you might be happy to pull ‘all nighters’ and work throughout your weekends your partner might not be as willing to entertain the idea! Bottles and bath time in their view, may take precedence over a late-night bottle of wine and pizza at the office discussing strategy.
The ‘PreNup’ Conversation…
It may be all roses and blue skies in those early days, however it’s important to be clear about (and agree on) key points and boundaries in your relationship. I don’t mean just the ‘legalities’ (of which I am no expert) but other necessary markers you should consider that might be the trigger for an unexpected flare-up.
This goes beyond the realms of Roles and Responsibilities and titles but the ‘what happens if…’ conversation if your co-founder steps on your toes or crosses a line (and vice versa). Or you hit a wall and can’t agree on important decisions without sparking fireworks.
Having a strategy in place to define how you will manage and respond in these tempestuous conversations is crucial and can make the difference between maintaining a healthy and respectful dialogue or escalating the issue beyond resolution leading to a potential breakdown in your relationship or at worst a premature end to the business.
As uncomfortable (and unthinkable) as it may be to even consider those situations materialising, the easier it will be to navigate them if you have done the hard work now. Leave no stone unturned.
Take time out…
In the busyness of any new venture, it is easy to forget the importance of regular check-in meetings, particularly if you are talking to each other all day. These are more than catch-ups but a weekly diarised event that gives you an opportunity to address the ‘elephant in the room’ that you might have been putting off. It offers you a forum to iron out any small problems that have the potential to escalate and fester if left unaddressed and prevents resentment from building up.
When you just can’t agree…
It’s very common to disagree and in fact can often be healthy to respectfully challenge each other to explore angles that might not have been previously unearthed. However, when you hit impasse and lock horns, you need to change tact.
Before you jump in insisting your way is the only way, allow your co-founder the opportunity to share their perspective. Stand in their shoes and look at it through their lense. And listen. Ask yourself what you might have missed, be open-minded and explore all possibilities before shutting ideas and opinions down. If you still struggle to agree or find a way forward, ask yourself what’s really going on!
Is your ego getting in the way of decision-making? What’s more important …to be right or find a solution? If so, that might need some deeper reflection. Focus on your vision and success for your venture, rather than fixating on proving your point or your co-founder wrong.
Know your approach to conflict…
If you are aware of your conflict archetype, you can use this information helpfully in your approach to any co-founder disagreement. For example, are you a ‘Conflict Creator’ who just loves nothing more than pushing buttons and provoking an argument? Are you the opposite and see yourself more as a ‘Conflict Avoider’, shying away from any possibility of a confrontation? Or perhaps you’re a ‘Conflict Peacemaker’ always looking to appease? Each archetype brings a different set of difficulties to a challenging dialogue and it would be worth recognizing your own style which will help you navigate your disagreements more constructively.
Communicate with H.E.A.R.T…
Conflict is inevitable in any high-pressured environment and when you are starting up or scaling your business at breakneck speed, it’s easy to forget how to engage in challenging dialogues without burning bridges when every ounce of your energy is focused on your rapid growth at the expense of everything else.
So here is an acronym that will keep you in check when you are in the midst of a difficult dialogue to reign the conversation and your own behaviour back on track.
Communicate with H.E.A.R.T.
Humility, Empathy, Authenticity, Respect and Transparency
These 5 pillars should be at the forefront of any challenging conversation which will diffuse and minimise tension and open the door for honest and healthy dialogues while building trust and better rapport with your co-founder.
Disagreements are an unavoidable element of any founder relationship. If you do your ‘compatibility’ due diligence and follow these strategies, you will have a much higher chance of mitigating the risks of falling out and building a thriving and profitable business together you are both proud of!